A few months ago, I was going to our local supermarket. Whilst driving in, I noticed this girl walking towards me. I recognised her from somewhere, she was the window cleaners daughter. Check the story on ?Bad Reputation?. Just about to exit my car and she came up and asked, (your not going to believe this question).
?Has my dad seen you naked??
I replied,
?Eh! Well not as far as I know?.
Then she said,
?My dad has pictures of you naked on his computer?,
I replied
?Well, he must have got them from my website then?.
What a docile bitch.
Then she came out with this comment,
?I think it's disgusting what you do, and you?re a home wrecker?.
I had to burst out laughing, what a stupid little girl, if she was over 16 years, I would have been happy to ram her head through my car window. You can't be friends with men locally unless you are shagging them. We have been friends for 5 years now, and still annoy each other.
To be a home wrecker, I think you need to shag the husband. How much I like Mr Bigdong the window cleaner, the thought of shagging him, makes me burst out laughing. I have known him since I was 14 years old, and haven't shagged him yet. I don't think I will either, I know where he is been. Yuk!!!!
I am trying to imagine Mr Bigdong on top of me. I am still laughing thinking about it. Just somehow, I couldn't, thanks but no thanks. I am sure it's the same for him.
Last month, here we go. Long story. I met this guy Mr Dingdong about 6 years ago, so he is more a dad towards me. I admit, I done something stupid 5 years ago, and probably regret it till this day. I split up with someone and I was upset, I suppose I felt a bit vulnerable at the time. I was leaning on him at the time, and yes I got off with him, (take that any way you want). I wish I never but I did, it sort of spoiled the friendship. We only lasted one day. I knew deep inside we weren't meant for each other and it was wrong. He was single at the time and so was I, so no one was hurt.
Three years ago, he met his wife and she is from land knobblehead. Mr Dingdong told her that he did get off with me for one day 5 years ago, and you can guess it didn't go down to well. But this was 5 years ago. He said that he would prefer to start the relationship honestly with no hidden secrets.
She has accused him from the start of still having an affair with me. Think twice been accused, since she moved in with him. This guy and myself have always stayed friends since, and it's best that way, he is not for me, but a good friend and someone I can speak too.
She doesn't like me phoning him, she doesn't like me visiting him at work. Talk about insecurity, and obsession. I can maybe understand if he is hot stuff, but he's not and not for me at all. But he has been there for me when I needed him, when sister died, advice in business and in life generally.
I have tried to be polite to her as much as possible. I have even picked her up from her house, and delivered keys from her husband, when she was stuck to get into the house and stuck for lift to this guys office.
Every time he moans about her, I have defended her, to try to get him to see her point.
This guy has always been my counsellor, he has been there for me when need of advice, so I have always visited and made sure he is all right.
So, everything has settled. As long as I don't phone him at his house, and don't visit when she is there at his office. Fine whatever, I thought, he really isn't worth all the hassle. Suddenly, I spoke to this guy one day, and I couldn't believe it, Guess what!!
She went off her head accusing him of having an affair with me again. Oh!!! For F******* sake, I really am getting sick of this. So I phoned the house, I started on her, and obviously she hang up.
So I asked this guy, if I leave a message on his answering machine, can she hear what I am saying, he said yes. So I phoned, and said this,
'listen you twisted demented bitch, if you accuse me once more of having an affair with your husband, I will get solicitor letter to you and take you to court?. I think the baseball bat would not have worked, need something heavier.
Would you all like me to tell you what she read that made her accuse him of having another affair? She read these 2 text messages,
Mr Dingdong to me ?I don't think I have a black tie, babe?. This text was about me asking if he could come to my sister's funeral with me. He calls everyone babe, same as Glaswegians call people doll or hen.
The other text was,
?Don't forget the string?.
Explanation to this text, you all might find this funny. I asked Superman, and Mr Dingdong to text this line of string at 7pm and think there was someone else too. Hoping one might remember to text this message before I do a show.
The reason being, I had my periods and had to do a kissogram. I have already mistakenly left one in whilst doing a show and only realised when I left, I was mortified. It was to remind me I have a tampax inside at 7pm, so to remember either to cut string or take out before.
Two of them remembered to text me, Superman and Mr Dingdong.
So these 2 texts message, means I am having an affair with her husband. Maybe it some Foreign code, I don't know about.
Few weeks ago, I was looking for him because there was a problem in business. She knows my voice, and knows me, after 3 years, of accusing, you would expect wouldn't you.
I asked,
?Can I speak to Mr Dingdong?,
She asked
?Who is speaking?,
I replied,
?You know who is speaking, can I speak to Mr Dingdong?,
She asked again,
?Who is speaking?,
I said,
?You know exactly who is speaking, put me through to Mr Dingdong?,
I heard this muffle, and I thought she said hold on, I heard a click, and there was no sound, but I thought the hold had no tune, so I guessed I was being put on hold. He was taking a long time, so I guessed he had a customer. I went to run the bath and put the phone on speakers, I looked at phone and it was past 2 minutes, and thought bugger it I will phone his mobile.
I hang up and phoned him mobile, no answer, but he phoned later on. He told me that he was in court and I explained what happened, and you are not going to believe what he texted me later, obviously she made sure she phoned him first,
?He called me a liar and nasty?, I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
I sent few texts and an email, and sent him the exact minutes I was on line, which was 2.47 minutes, recorded on my phone, on his number, if you cant accept the truth don't ask for it.
So I talked to Mr Appinob, who I like very much, and he also does jobs for Mr Dingdong. He told me that he has had hassle from Mrs Dingdong also, but what surprised when he told me that she told him,
?I hang up on her?.
Oh, I hit the roof. The whole story looks as if she put the phone down on me after she mumbled something. Due to being no tune I thought when his line is on hold, it just becomes blank. I just heard a click and guessed I was put on hold. I wouldn't know whether I was or not. Due to me phoning his office, I would still be on line when she put the phone down. Unless she phoned me, I would not have got the dialling tone.
So I emailed him, asked to ask his demented twisted wife, that is obviously wasn't hold on she mumbled to me, what was it she actually said. I couldn't believe all this, considering he has known me for so long, and came out with that comment. It's not me that has the insecurity problem.
Sometimes, some people need their head shouved down the toilet, due to the amount of crap coming out of their mouth.
This all happened in one-month.
So I have decided, F*** it. If I am going to get accused I might as well do it. But, it's at discretion of manageress, me.
To me honest, forgive me if I offend anyone. If I was going to have an affair with a married man, I would make sure it was worth it, than a window cleaner, no money, bald, fat guy, not rich, beer belly and grunts.
Affair with a married man needs to be worth the hassle, someone who would pay well enough for my services.
My choice would be a doctor, lawyer, someone with a bit of money, so I can charge, not keen on politician, they are all jumping about with everyone, and most of them look like fat greedy *********. Teachers are the same, but very patronising and think they are god, so forget that profession.
So if there is any doctor, lawyer, advocate, any professional person with money, looking for a quick bonk, please do not hesitate to contact me, as the price is decided on the profession. At least it would be worth the hassle. Sure we can come to some compromising decision, at least I'll get paid or make it worthwhile.
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