| Bad new has happened. I don't have much contact with my family, except for one of my sisters, which I did have time for. Her name was Sheila. She died in January, at the age of 38. She was the closest part of the family to me, even though we didn't see much of each other. I had more time for her. I don't talk much to my family, reasons goes a long way back, especially my older sister. Every time I was in her company, she would comment the bitchiest remarks possible. "My you're getting fat" "Do you have to show as much cleavage?" Worse one yet, she commented about getting something done about a disability I do have. Really, after so much, you do get completely sick of it. Sheila wasn't too bad, she would point one thing out constantly. But a point here, and how can anyone point mistakes in others when they have so many of their own, but I don't think she done it out of spite. So what is the point of going to visit, and be all falsely friendly, when all you get is mocked? You start to feel completely false. I can't be false, or two faced, I hope I am not. I got bad habit of saying what I think, when really I should have kept my mouth shut.
My sister Sheila was more honest, I suppose, what you see is what you got. She never denied she had a drinking problem, and never denied she tried drugs many years ago, cannabis and speed. My other sister denies everything, even though I know the person who sells her cannabis, and even though everyone sees her in the pub drinking every day. So to me I would prefer honest, upfront, than false and pretending. Now I do know, or we all know, that my older sister is my dad's favourite and Sheila was my mothers' favourite. Sheila admitted this she was, other obviously didn't, but Sheila went off the rails few years ago. It did not bother me too much that is life. It's not the children's fault, it's the parents.
Sheila was more supportive and tried to help me when I was younger, but the older one gloated and egged my parents on to most of the actions. Even though I fell out with my sister Sheila later on in life, I still never said a bad word against her. We started talking about 2 years ago and I discovered that my other part of my family done an action that mortified me, and was against. I was shocked, in fact, found out it was twice. I think this action is the last you do to your own family, talking or not talking. One person of my family said it was the last option. What a load of bullshit! I know the father of the kids. They never went to see him, and talk about their concerns. They never sat down with him, and said, we will support you, and we should all muck in and help. That was never done. I guess communications was at a loss in our family. The father has the kids, but the social was involved. I think if you can't solve your own family problem with your own kids, without involving a third person especially government person, there is something wrong. The reason which annoyed me more, is the older sister drinks just as much as Sheila, so how can she point finger at her, when she does it herself. I cannot tell other to stop drinking biscuits and coffee if I can't stop myself. If I weren't much of a role model of a mother, I could not criticize anyone else for being a bad mother, especially when all is in self-denial. At least Sheila never called her children fat, ugly and over raised her hand to anyone. I agree she was an alcoholic, but she did not deny it. There was not need to run to a third party. It obviously did not solve the problem, did it? I think it made matters worse, myself personally. I am sure the father would have stepped in, if there were a problem. Sheila had stayed with me a week to dry out. Sheila hanged around more with my older sisters group of friends, they all drank and smoked cannabis, which I despise immensely. I am not really, a people person, I would prefer to be around 20 animals than one human. I have mostly been on my own, so you get used to it. Sheila has mostly been in company and since her kids were taken off and given to the father, it really upset her. She got depressed being on her own. So the week she stayed it was fine. I paid her money when she cleaned my house out, and she came with me to one of my jobs. But when she got her money she disappeared. I suppose she had her own friends. She would usually turn up for a lift home, or appear from nowhere and ask for a lift, which I didn't mind. Sheila is 2 years older than me, and the older one is 3 years older. Sheila met a guy last year and I thought she was happy. Someone saw her holding hands, and I thought she was all right now, as she had company. I visited her sometimes and met the guy. Not my type, but I said to Sheila in the car "As long as you are happy". She told me that she liked him. I wasn't to keen on him, but it wasn't me he was going out with. So she had a boyfriend now, and I kept out of the way. She turned up a few times with him wanting a lift home and I happily done this. I remember she was in Inverness prison last year, for not paying her fines. She has been in the newspapers a few times, for some actions that were not accepted locally. I visited her twice in the prison, and the second time I took her kids. I dreaded it, the bit where the doors locked, Clausphobia, man! When she came out she went straight for a drink. But that was her choice. She was harming no one else except for herself. I cannot dictate to anyone, I can only give advice, but if that's the life she choice so be it. I asked whilst staying at mine if she took drugs. She admitted cannibis, but that was all. She has dabbled in speed and few others nothing to heavy. But the alcohol I guess was expensive enough without buying drugs as well. One night sitting in my house, mother phoned me and told me 'sheila is dead?. It really hit me, what a fright. I found out someone had injected her with heroin. Now I know and every other one of her alcohol friends all knew she never took drugs. The guy is in prison charged for homicide. I can't say too much just now because the court case has not risen yet. So here we go, this is when trouble starts. My parents has started to involve their grand kids into my dispute with them, sad or what! One night my older sister son, started phoning asking why I am blaming my parents for the death. I corrected him, and told him, I am not blaming anyone. I just think their actions didn't help matters did it. He is 20 years old, and just like his mum, same attitude. You can always tell when he drunk, he sounds so much like his mother. He denied my parents and his mum, done this action. I corrected him, because I know someone close who has the report. Then he admitted it,, tried to explain the actions, and said well she was an alcoholic. I quoted back, and your mother isn't. He said to me, this is what he calls my parents,
p style="">"Nana and Papa are upset you telling people they reported her to the social". I replied "Well, if they did it out of the goodness of their hearts, they shouldn't be bothered then should they, especially if you all think it was the right thing to do, and in the best interest of the kids and their daughter with no other option". Personally, what sort of person involves their grandchildren into their argument with their own child".
style="">Then he said "Her kids saw their mum fighting with her boyfriend". I couldn't believe what I was hearing, "Excuse me, have you got selective memory, and your mother wasn't fighting with boyfriend in front of you when she was drunk, remember". He said 'Why don't you report my mother to the social?', I replied 'that ain't my style?. Hypocrisy is so popular with humans. Is it inbred in us? I don't complain about hypocrisy, if you are prepared to stand up and admit, yes, I am a hypocrite. Or stand up when you see you have been one, and admit it. The ones that are in self-denial, pisses me off. It seems to be 'No I don't remember doing that'. Or what they do, put under carpet and forget. Only thing happens you keep tripping up on it. It's so self important for humans to deny all knowledge, forget it and move on. I admit I have been, myself. Example. I always complain that people don't listen to you, but I feel a right hypocrite, because sometimes I don't listen either. I walk away, and realise something they said, and wish I listened. So I can quite happily stand up and admit when I am a hypocrite. I try my hardest not to be, before I make judgement try and think have I done that myself. Some things you try to forget, best not remembered, but do not criticize others if they have done the same. So few days later, I got abusive texts. You can so much tell he is pissed. I got 'I am the man of the family now, I wear the trousers, your family relies on me', I said 'Right okay good for you'. Texts came calling me a slag of what I do, really abusive. One text was, 'Your not special taking your clothes off, in pubs and clubs'.... I texted back, 'You sound just like your mum, a prude'. Anyway I said, it pays the bills, you want to pay for them. He went on about exposing myself for money, and said I was strange. Well I can't argue with the strange bit, can I? Here we go, (you wouldn't believe half of it). He started asking about what happened, past, with his dad, and so on. I told him what I knew, though I don't know much about his dad. But I gave him the facts why I stay away from the family, and he said I was talking piss. Etc etc I texted, 'If you can't handle the truth, don't ask for it'. The only person out of my family, who was adult enough to stand up and admit all that went on from being 12 years old until I left, was Sheila. Now she is gone, I only have records in the social. (long story) But that is all done and gone. I got this 20-year-old nephew being an arse. Then he admitted watching him alky mum being battered by her boyfriend. Well, there you go, 'so don't point fingers at others if you all aren't any better'. The text messages went on for a few days. The point I think is confusing. Sheila's children are really friendly and well raised. My other sister, one of her kids has been suspended and expelled. So do you not think you should clean up your own garden first. Or glasshouses and pot kettle comes to my mind. But this is life, everyone wants to point fingers at others, so long as no one is looking at them. He gave this comment, 'My mum did all right with me, and I got 7 Gsce's,'. Whatever they are called now, don't know. I replied back, 'What the F* has that got to do with it, I know someone who is at university, and she was abused at childhood'. You can so much tell when he's drunk, he talks a load of abusive shit. A friend told me not to text back, but I really needed to set the record straight, and tell him facts, that the other part of the family has missed out. This is very common in my life. My parents told them something I said on the phone to her, but she seems to have missed the line she said to me before. If you are going to tell a story, don't miss parts out. He text me after I told him all the facts of the family, but I can't blame him, he only knows what he has been told. He text me with 'Forget your past and look at the future'. I replied, don't forget your past, for you learn from it. I also text back, 'that would be so dandy for the entire family if I done that?. I also replied that your past has effects on your future, good or bad. Blah blah, My point here is, I can't stand people who forget their mistakes, look on, and pretend it never happened. If you do this, then what happens your life is like a record player, playing a scratched record. You will be going round and round, and that scratch is going to hit you every time. Unless that scratch mark is fixed or mended, your life is going to be stuck. What we do is nudge the needle of the scratch mark, and carry on. But nudging the needle you have made another mark. Then when it comes round again, unless the scratch mark is fixed, your life is going to be repetitive. This just carries on, the fault hits you again when it has come round, you nudge and ignore, and then you got another mark. Unless you acknowledge the fault, it can't be fixed. What we seem to do is carry on, as if nothing happened and ignore. But, in your future it comes around and bites you, usually is gets more sore each time. Example, my father never really accepted me. Don't know why and properly might never know. My older sister has 3 kids. Two of them my dad does not like the father. They have split up and life went on. I was in my parent's house and I couldn't believe what I saw. My dad has not taken to the 2 younger kids, due to father, which I think is bloody demented. The way my dad looked at them, scowled, and you felt the atmosphere. It was like seeing the repeat how my dad was with me. You have damaged the record by doing this. The smooth pattern of the record is damaged. Then what happens in their life, that scratch mark causes more scratch marks and the record is ruined? So until you recognize your mistakes, someone up there or wherever is going to keep throwing things at them, life becomes heavier. (Are you confused) One scratch will cause other scratches on the record. So, best thing to do is stand up and admit your mistakes. 'Yes, I think I truly fucked up, but I cannot change the past, I can only improve the future'. The mistake is fixed, and no more scratch marks on that record. That is my belief. Only problem with me, I make that many mistakes, I can't remember them all.  Next few days, I received a text from him. Think he replied to a comment I finished off with a few days ago. It was about learning from your past, He texted saying he does, I replied 'No you don't, take a look at your texts, you sound like your mum when she is drunk, if you become in denial as the rest, you?re in for a bumpy ride'. You get the same attitude, 'Right whatever, aye right'. I just texted back 'Well, as long as you're happy with yourself' I told him, instead of jumping in and giving mouthful abuse, stand back and take a hard look at the whole picture and ask yourself one question, why has this happened?. So I texted him, getting bit pissed off with the attitude, 'so the fact of life is the only people you have a right to call twisted, fucked up, warped, and self obsessed is 'Your Family'. See you are heading that way as well'. The last 2 weeks, when he was drunk, that is the abuse I got. Think he is trying to point fingers at everyone else, except for himself, and 'his family', as he quoted. I couldn't believe what text I got next, 'What have you done for Our Family'. Excuse me, eh!! 'What have you lot done for me?' Och I got pissed off, so I reminded him about all lifts everywhere so his mum can go and visit her boyfriends. The money that was stolen from my car, and there was only one person in the back seat that day. I could go on. I told my friends who have known, for most 17 years what had been going on. Each one said to me 'You owe your family nothing'. If I told you all the truth, you would be shocked.
e=""> So moving on...... I also got this text, 'this is my family, you stay away'. I texted back 'What do you think I have been doing for the last 10 years, until you started phoning?' I don't think he texted back. I have nothing against this nephew. He is really a nice guy. I guess it is only when he is drunk, and what he has been hearing or been told. I could go on, I showed Sheila's eldest daughter all the texts from him. I told her to read the replies when she visited. Sheila's children are sound as a pound. You couldn't get more friendly kids, think the oldest one is 16 years old now. I wish Sheila were here to read them, sure she would have been amused. The most that has completely shocked. A couple of days later, one parent said 'sheila said she forgave us for what we done and understood why we done it?. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, not from what I remembered her saying. But I am not with her 24 hours each day to prove she didn't. Then next this one person said, can't give names, 'Mr Pandy told us that Sheila was going to go to my oldest sister and forgive her for what she done'. I had to leave quickly. I really wanted to smack someone right in the mouth, baseball bat time. So I went to see Mr Pandy, and ask him if this was true, was she going to do this, and did he say this to my parents. His answer was no, he never said any such thing. My point of this story is........ It really pisses me off. Instead of grieving for the loss of a person from our family, they were all trying to pass the back to alleviate the burden of responsibility and guilt.
style=""> If anyone has read the story 'An Inspector Calls', by think JB Priestly, it says it all. I feel I am partly to blame, I didn't spend enough time with her, though she knew where I was, I feel I could have done more. The point of the story I feel, we are all partly responsible for this happens. At the end when the family thought he was a hoax, they all forgot what they done and carried on as normal. But one person said, but we cannot deny we done these actions. Just as they started pretending it never happened, a policeman from the station was coming to visit them. Do you see the plot in this story? Sums it all up. So, all that has finished and ended. Read next story about the Funeral. | 
