This week I have to mock the police station, so please read this article carefully, as there may be a question asked at the end.  So far the Careers receptionist has marks of 100%, top class. Sadly, the police receptionist is still on the zero points, in fact I think considering the situation today, they have now scored a miserable minus.  A couple of months ago, I heard a dog barking, I turned around, and there was poor Moss hiding under this yacht, and a big Rottweiler trying to get at him. Due to the dog being big, it was lucky for Moss the Rottweiler could not fit through the space of the yachts. So Moss was safe, I grabbed the dog, and it nearly turned and bit me, finally the guy put dog on a lead. I was upset, frightened and phoned the police to report it. What do you think the receptionist said to me? "Put your dog on a lead", I shouted down the phone at this no brain person,  "What, are you stupid", which is an understatement. If Moss was on a lead, what better difference would that make, and what chance would he have with a great big Rottweiler running towards him? Luckily Moss has sense and ran under the yacht. Bless his heart! I would not have Moss any other way. Can somebody explain to me, the plus side in this situation of Moss being on a lead, he would have had no chance, and probably either would I. So what we have today, take a deep breath, I need to chill. I was walking beside Caledonian Canal, and right round the corner there were two cows standing gawking at us. Now I know cows may go for the dogs, and through being inquisitive, they do walk towards you. I am not to keen on cows being to close to my dogs, in case they might get kicked. So Moss and Willow, stood by me, they both Sat down next to my feet, whilst I had a think whose cows they belong to. So I phoned the police station to asked if they knew whose they were, they must have got out of one of the fields further along. So, ring , ring and she answered the phone, I asked whose cows they may be, she replied she does not know, I explain that the dogs and I are standing here, no way round. Need to find out by farmer of what sort of cows they are, or bulls, I can't tell the difference. I do know ones with calves and the yellow and orange ones are aggressive. I also think diary bulls and the black and white ones are aggressive. Guess what she said, it gets dumber every time I phone the place "Cows don't chase dogs",  "Put your dogs on a lead", I could not believe what I was hearing. Now, a week ago I was walking along the road, and it was not far from where I was. A farmer stopped his truck, and asked me to stay where I was with the dogs, which was out the way because the farmer was gathering his herd into a field. He said if one or two of cows saw the dogs, they may go for them. So we sat in the one spot and didn't move. So I suppose the farmer is talking crap then. Let me see, I was in Torlundy, got round this bush and there were a few cows there coming towards us, and we bolted. Spoke to a farmer and I have spoken to my dad, who is a shepherd, spoke to Steve who was a farmer. All three specifically stated to me that some cows go after dogs. A farmer even stated he has a few of them. You get docile ones, but you also get the odd one who is bad tempered. Now I am not Einstein here, and I am not a mathematical genius, but..  A dog can run faster than the cow, the cow can run faster than me, and me, I would be well F*****. So what positive outlook is there of Moss and Willow being on a lead? I did quote cows was walking towards us, not the other way about. Would it not be more advisable to put cows on lead! I think the dogs would stand a better chance of escaping if they were off the lead, rather than being on one. I mean, my dogs would be through the fence, up the hill, across the lake and well out the way, before I take my second breather. I can picture it now, dogs run off, within a blink, and I am left there face to face with a snorting Bull, cow whatever. I can hear a shriek! Gulp! Helpppppppp! Never to be seen again. Thanks dogs, you always know who your buddies are when in trouble.  Even the farmer said it would be a bad idea having dogs on lead if cows charge towards you. If the dogs are next to you, you are more likely to get killed, or trampled on. I don't mind me getting hurt as long as dogs are alright, but I know they would run for it across the water and well out of the way. Somehow a lead would not help the situation. It would be as if I am holding the dogs in a spot for the cow to trample on, how dumb is that?
Anyway, I would not let a cow near my dogs, it would need to get past me first, if cow goes near my sweethearts, it would be the last thing it does. Here is the advice to give anyone in this situation: Better to walk on the other side of the fence, but make sure the other side is clear, no use going into a field where the rest of cows are, I hear the words frying pan, fire. Or walk in towards the forest which is out of the way, so the cows cannot clearly see you. Just been told by a farmer, if you pick up a stick and wave it, they can be scared off. But keep your dogs at close control. I had done this at the Torlundy situation. If cows follows you, out wit them, do a U turn and hide in the bushes. If they can't see they can't chase. Sort of confuse them, go through different angles of bushes and trees, cows can only chase if there is a clear vision, just play a bit of hide and seek. But if in doubt, bolt! I am dreading if I ever phone up, and ask for help being chased by fans, I can it already,  "First put your dogs on a lead". It is like phoning up and talking to a robot. Well that might be unfair, at least when you talk to these robot telephone voices, you get a choice of press one, two, three even sometimes four. The police receptionist seems to have only one button to press, button number one. Never mind, looking at the whole situation, this robot on the other side of the phone can only see black or white, or is it, 'Press button one, if the word dog is mentioned'. So I phoned back, asking for an explanation. "How would it be more constructive having your dog on the lead if cows are chasing. Given the knowledge that a dog can run faster than cow, a cow runs faster than human, and human is the slowest out of all 3 species. So how can your theory of having the dog on a lead be rational, considering the facts of speed" She never answered, just hung up. I can see it now. Smoke coming out of the metal, to much information, did I hear a robot voice repeating to itself,  'Press button one', 'Press button one', 'Button one not working', 'Exterminate, Exterminate!' You can visualize a robot going out of control because it can't think past the first button. Think the fuse has blown. Was talking to a friend, same day, and he feels the same. He was driving a bus, and he phoned the police station, asking how long this road stoppage is going to be. There was suppose to be a landslide this day, and all he could see was a trunk and two stones. They could easily have moved two stones, move the tree and all would be well. He actually waited for 2 hours for it to be removed. Welcome to our local police station. The guys were standing there trying to decide what to do, welcome to the male species! He asked the receptionist, "How long?". "she doesn't know", she replied "Any idea?", "No, don't know", "Can you find out?", "Don't know". He got pissed off, and just hung up. Maybe it would be too intellectual to phone the police who was attending this landslide and ask. To technical, eh! The advice she could have given was either a farmers phone number or the same information I was given. You would think, considering this is a well farmers area, many hill walking and mountain walking, most on farm land, it would be knowledge needed for tourists. But I can only guess the question was too technical. My last question is: Can you spot the no brain receptionist?  |